Asa on his first day of pre-school
Asa has this ever-increasing fear problem, and it is driving Amy and me NUTS! He's 4, so I know I should cut him some slack... I just feel like he's been pushing his limits. I also get the idea he uses "I'm scared" as an excuse to get out of doing something he doesn't want to do.
This morning I instructed Asa to go pick a different shirt since the one he put on for school had paint all over it. He tried to get out of it saying he was scared to go in his room by himself. Exasperated, Amy said, "Asa! You're becoming scared of everything!" I looked over and saw him sucking his thumb (another habbit I feel he should have grown out of and something we've had many talks about), and I followed up with "I wish you were scared of sucking your thumb." He immediately detected my attempt at being clever, and quipped, "Well I wish you were scared of giving spankings!"
[Sigh]... I guess we all have our wishes... I wish I was better at parenting. I feel somewhat vulnerable revealing these problems my son has (irrational fears, thumb-sucking, and -- did I mention? -- peeing in his pants at all times of the day). I feel like I've heard enough stories and seen enough movies to assert that a 4-and-a-half year old boy with these issues must have a father who abuses him verbally and even physically. But I know that is not the case. So what is the problem? What can I do to help? I know I'm probably wanting him to grow up faster than he should, so I'm trying to be patient and be encouraging and to shower him with praise when he does the "right thing," but every day, I come closer to concluding that we need professional help.
If you've got any advice or encouragement to offer, I'd love to hear from you. Email, call, or even just leave a comment here. Whatever you do, please pray for us!
5 comments:
Definitely praying, and also sending a few John Rosemond columns that you MIGHT find applicable. He is so practical and no-nonsense.
I'm not yet qualified to give advice (and I'll probably be asking you for some whenever our kids hit these stages), but I think Asa will be OK. I've really enjoyed getting to know him in Sunday school, and while it's only an hour or so, he seems like a pretty normal kid to me. he even asked to go to the bathroom the other day, which I greatly appreciated.
that may be small comfort while you're in the middle of everything, but I'll be praying, escpecially with the new one on the way too.
Thanks Mom. Please do send the articles. Some of his you've sent in the past have been enlightening.
Bob, Wow, he actually asked to go to the bathroom? That in itself is comforting to me. One of our theories on that problem of his is that there may be some physical problem where he can't actually detect that he needs to go... Then I tried to recall the last time he asked to go or just went without being told, and I couldn't!...
I'm glad you're enjoying him in Sunday School. He loves going. He and Ezra are always eager to learn new Jesus songs. Thanks so much for your encouragement!
Owen's going through a similar stage. He's affraid of the TV when it's off... at first I thought it was a ploy to get the tv on but the fear is real (funky reflections and shadows).
Since Owen's the second born he does get a bad wrap. Sara and I try not to fall prey to the middle child woes, but we know we fail misserably. He's not the baby and he's not the oldest. I've tried to be more intentional with him - having 'dates' where it's just he and I.
Fear has so much to do with confidence - figuring where he belongs and what he's good at. I hope that I can be there for him as he finds these things out.
Okay, So I am reading this way late, and I don't know if it is still weighing on you or not, but..... Sometimes kids do crazy things to try and figure out how they fit into life and family. It seems like he is confused about how he should be at his age. Is two examples don't work, one is in school already and the other wears diapers. Maybe along with whatever else you are doing, you could try to give him some special big boy helper things that only he can do. Manessah struggles BIG time with bossyness (there's a surprise, huh?) and me mom suggested that instead of always harping on her for it that I give her specific things to be in charge of. So, we started cooking together. She can now make things like pancakes for everyone from scratch (big help for me) AND it really has curbed the bossiness. Grandma's are so smart.
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